bad day

today...31st of december 2007....new year eve...

everyone is busy planning where to countdown, where to eat...

but me?stay at home facing the computer?so miserable right?

i'm sad and disappointed today.i'm very tired..seriously very tired..tired of every single thing..

i purposely went to gym today.i wanna keep myself busy but end up when i'm on the way back he called me and said he is not coming back to celebrate with me..again..heartbroken..i already assumed that he is not coming back and i'll celebrate myself but again he reminds me that he is not coming back..i'm driving..my leg suddenly feel so weak..can't even press the brake..my tears nonstop dropping.i cannot go back home with my crying face.i went to lake garden and sepakat..i need to calm myself down..suddenly it makes me think of many things..my boyfriend, friends and even family..i really don't know why am i on this earth..it is so meaningless..real meaningless...

i really wanna celebrate new year eve with him..actually i don't mind if he cannot celebrate with me..but he is celebrating with the friends.the coursemates.most of them are girls.why is mass communication have so darn many girls?the government should enrol more guys what..so many girls for what!!i admit i'm jealous and scared that i'll lose him.i'm so selfish right?sigh.

i really wanna drunk myself tonight..i bought 1 heineken from tesco..and they are a few cans of beer in my fridge..i'll try it tonight..2008..please..let me have a nice year...i beg u..i'm enough of all these sickening things..

.....

friends..last time i used to think that friends are important to me.yes.until now i still think that friends are important.especially your best friend..but it is not easy to find a true friend who will be there for u and understand u..walk the way u walk and talk the things u talk..without them u'll be so lonely.
i'm sad and two more days will be a new year.2008!i really hope i won't bring my sadness to next year.i hope i'll enjoy next year and won't be sad.i'm realy tired.tired and sick of every single thing.i wish i could travel all around the world and no need to think anything..how nice!!
i wanna find back myself.i'm not the chiew bee that i used to be..and three more days..i have to go back to school..i should have change school last time or go to college.sigh.staying in that school makes me sad and miserable~~
tomorrow is new year eve.i really hope i can celebrate it with cj..but i don't think can.this semester he'll be very busy.i wonder how am i gonna go through those days without him by my side..i just wanna spend as much time as i could with him.he meant a lot to me..i can't describe those feelings that i have for him..indescribable..
i don't want to lose him as he is precious to me.my little precious..always..

=)

at least we've spend some time together dr.bahagia...and once again u gave me a lil' confidence..
all i want for christmas is u..=)

why the word sadness keep appearing in my mind no matter where i am or what am i doing???
why?????i really fed up already...i hate LDL!!!long-distance love..it is so suffering..i hate it!!
i'm not like you..not like anyone else..who can be patient and can be so strong and tough.i'm not..
When i need you, you're not here with me.i got to hug the bear that u gave me or my pillow and yet i have a boyfriend.why??why can't i get to hug you??i know i'm childish.but i scared history will repeat again do you know?i'm really scared.i don't wanna think so much, but i can't make it.
alright.i not really got think about it already.but it seems like i don't know what u're doing and this makes me feel i'm like very faraway from you.i hate this feeling.we got sms each other everyday and sometimes talk on the phone and everyday u got tell me what you doing..but still there is something which is missing do you know?i can't be there for you when you're sad or tired or happy..i'm not the one..we still have such a long journey to go.i don't know how long can i stand or how long you can stand.faith faith faith..do you still have faith in it?i really hope we could make it..i hope u meant it when u said u miss me alot..i really do dr.bahagia..

me = emotionless

i'm speechless now.i don't know what i'm feeling right now..sad,happy or moody?
i'm totally lost.i don't know what am i thinking.i know.i'm not happy.but why?
this afternoon i drove all the way to tesco.i felt so weird and crazy.don't know what is happening to me.i went there alone.bought all the food.i never do this before.walking there alone.buy this and that.i'm wasting my money buying all those useless stuff and food.fattening!!what happen to me?i'm tired of everything.i want myself to be free.if i have a chance, i would pack my bag and go for a vacation and be away from home and friends and travel alone enjoying myself and not thinking anything!!where is the happy chiew bee?where are u??i don't know where am i belong to..i don't know why am i here..and i miss him..i really wanna be free from everything..

i miss you

i'm missing you right now..i'm missing your everything..i so wanna hug u tightly and feel your warmness.i thought we can spend more time together this week.i'm sad.every night before i sleep i would see our pictures and wish u're here with me.how long more i could stand this?sigh.i need you.u teach me how to be true to myself.u organise my disorganised life..u're the first person who said i'm ego and tats how i realised tat i'm an ego person..u managed 2 manipulate my feelings by making me sad, angry, happy, excited, jealous,etc..u give me useful advices but sometimes i don't know how 2 appreciate it.all the moments that we've shared make me smile when i think about it..i'll be really down when i miss u.but life goes on..i still have 2 make myself happy and act as if i'm not sad.i miss u dr.bahagia..

how to touch a girl..

JOJO LYRICS

How To Touch A Girl

Mmm

I think I could like you

I already do

Feelings can grow bu

tThey can go away too

You're takin my hand

Lookin into my eyes

Don't be in a rush to

Get me tonight

Feel somethin happenin

Could this be a spark?

To satisfy me baby

Gotta satisfy my heart

Do you know how to touch a girl?

If you want me so much

First I have to know

Are you thoughtful and kind?

Do you care what's on my mind?

Or am I just for show?

You'll go far in this world

If you know how to touch a girl

Do you know how to touch, know how to touch a girl?

Do you know how to touch, know how to touch a girl?

I think I could like you

But I keep holding back

Cause I can't seem to tell

If you're fiction or fact

Show me you can laugh

Show me you can cry

Show me who you really are

Deep down inside

Do you feel somethin happenin?

Could this be for real?

I don't know right now but tonight we'll reveal

Do you know how to touch a girl?

If you want me so much

First I have to know

Are you thoughtful and kind?

Do you care what's on my mind?

Or am I just for show?

You'll go far in this world

If you know how to touch a girl

Bring me some flowers

Conversation for hours

To see if we really connect

And baby if we do

Ooh

I'll be givin all my love to you

Ohh

Do you know how to touch a girl?

If you want me so much

First I have to know

Are you thoughtful and kind?

Do you care what's on my mind?

Or am I just for show?

You'll go far in this world

If you know how to touch a girl

Do you know how to touch, know how to touch a girl? (Yeah, yeah)Do you know how to touch, know how to touch a girl?

You'll go far in this world

If you know how to touch a girl

Ps : a few tips for guys...~~~

:p