DETERMINATION

i was so busy over the last few weeks..
but too bad i'm not busy studying but doing nonsense and have fun to the maximum!
seriously i feel very tired.lack of sleep and rest.
everyday sleep for 5 hours or less than that.all my pimples are coming out!sigh.
i need to get back to my normal life.
yeah...starting from tomorrow, i'll live a normal life and to get back to my mission to achieve my goal! =)

against yourself

are u against yourself?

sometimes we tend to do something which is against ourselves to push ourselves to strive towards excellence and success in our life.

no matter we like it or hate it, we still gotta to do something to get what we want.
it is definitely not easy to do so...
we need to be determined enough and set a target for ourselves and stay focused.
i'm trying to compete with myself.against myself.

my stpm trial is coming.
do i have the strength and determination to face it?
i don't have the answer for it.
i study for myself.not for anyone but my future and family.to make them proud.
but sometimes i do get confused and uncertained about it.
i mean urm..in order to get a better job, do i really have to study like hell for it?

no matter what, i shouldn't think so much and just do what i wanna do and do what is right for my future.
am i right or wrong?

why do i have so many question marks in my mind?

Bukit Larut

here I am to blog about my trip to Maxwell Hill. =)

i know it is kinda late now to blog about it but it is better than never right?hehe.

well i've went to Maxwell which is more likely known as Bukit Larut on the 2nd unil the 4th of June with huey wen, victoren, vj, su hian, teik leon, david lee and wei chian.wei chian's gf can't make it.too bad then.

it was an amazing trip!!

at first i was worried that this trip would be boring because hey we gonna stay there for 3 days 2 nights in maxwell.what are we going to do there?

besides i'm not very close to david.i don't know who is victoren.

i'm scared we can't mix along later.

but somehow..haha..we can mingle up and have fun together.get to know some new friends are good u know? ;)

victoren is like my little brother now.hehe. ^^

ok..talk back about my trip..

last time i went to maxwell with some of them before and this time we decided to stay at gunung hijau.haha.last time i passed by that house before but i forgot about its existence.hehe.

..rumah hijau..

anyway on the 1st day of the trip we did nothing much up there except for su hian.he was busy in the kitchen washing all those pots, frying pan and etc...who would do that??he was walking in and out of the kitchen for so many times..

poker.gamble.fun! =)

'god' of gamble.haha

we planned to go down to playground and take a walk outside but the weather don't allow us to do so.it was raining!!!but hey i wasn't cold at all.i'm wearing shorts and a long sleeve shirt which is not thick but some of them already started to wear jacket.something was wrong with me that day.i hate the toilets all especially the one in my room!very scary u know..i don't really dare to stay long in the toilet and there were really big lizards inside the toilets!!!

Wonder what we did on the 1st day of the trip?

we played poker, heart attack, etc etc..lazy wanna blog about it actually.hehe.

to sum it up, we just sit in a big group and had some laughter and jokes together.

it was like an ice-breaking session..at least we were comfortable with each other already and the time passed kinda fast without us realising it.

all of us busy gambling.hehe.

Come to the dinner part..our chef, su hian gonna prepare some food for us.there were sardines, chickens, soup, vegetables and fruits..what a perfect meal isn't it?i really enjoyed that dinner.credit to su hian and victoren. ;)

oh yeah..while we were eating that night..something silly and ridiculous happened..really freaked me out!!!out of a sudden, i heard something shouting outside and running pass our house.very eerie u know?i was like god..what is that??!!!i was staring at vj and everyone was like looking at each other but they were not so scared as me and huey wen..then we were discussing what sound is that and finally we caught teik leon playing us with his handphone's ringing tone..it sounds so real.anyway we had a laughter over that silly incident..haha.aww..i miss maxwell!!! :(

Come to the 2nd day of the trip. ;)
again..su hian served us with his good skills of cooking..
we have potato, tomato, fried egg, bread, so-called onion ring and HOTDOG for our breakfast!
another credit to him and the lovely victoren of cause!!
hmm i don't really like onion.i gave david all the onions and half of my potato to huey wen.hehe.
at last wei chian joined us at around 11am.he only get to join us on the 2nd day because he wanna spend more time with his gf.so sweet of him!

then we played millionaire while waiting for vj to prepare his spagetti.
it was nice but too bad i can't eat that much because it is not enough.
well..i gotta admit that the guys all can really cook nice food..
much better than me and huey wen.
really salute them.
credit to all the guys!i mean the 6 of them and of cause my darling too. ;)

and yeah...at last the rain had stopped!!!
we decided to go down to the playground or else we'll be sleeping.all of us felt so sleepy.
but too bad su hian and victoren wanna sleep.so we went to playground without the both of them.well, honestly walking down to the playground is easy.don't need that much strength..
but when we hiked up to the box, i mean the raja's isolated house...phew....can die!
so faraway and after that we gotta hike up to our house..damn tired!
what to do?we never go before the raja's place..i mean me,huey wen and teik leon..hehe.
when we reached there, wow..so happy and relieved!!
that kind of feeling is nice..fulfil our satisfaction..!

i seriously tertidur.i think vj captured this.so SWT!

wei chian's child

haha.insane but fun people

promoting twisties ;)

whats with the leaves?LOL

vj looks like a bird.eagle!!

yay!!the wonder of self-timer~~

aww...i looked so tired~!!!

raja's house.we opened the door & went in. ^^

in the raja's house

david & me

miss accountant & me

huey wen & her 'ai mei'.LOL

self-timer again.hehe

david captured this ;)

haha.come to the dinner part..me and huey wen gonna cook fried rice and mushroom soup.
huey wen was so nervous and her mum kept on called her to tell her to put which ingredient
1st.tsk tsk...huey wen..u should b more confident of yourself k?the fried rice is nice!!give a big clap to her!haha.
overall the dinner was nice.i enjoyed that dinner the most.don't know why but i just feel everyone was very happy and i'm glad that we were getting closer to each other.

our last dinner in maxwell. ;)

oh yeah...after that dinner i mean fo supper, some of them wanna cook again with the left over rice.they add in twisties.haha.they cooked the mushroom soup again and fried sausages and eggs.everyone is rebut-ing the eggs. su hian even keep a few eggs in a box and he is running around with the eggs.haha.victoren even cooked me thai maggi mee.so sweet of him right?such a good brother.hehe.

twisties fried rice.creative isn't it?hehe

when their crazyness strucks them

su hian with his afro hair and with vic sleeping on his lap ;)

gamble again.hehe.

then we continue playing poker again and watched tv to keep us awake..
because we actually planned to go for night hiking but some of them don't want to.lazy.
haha.anyway something funny and scary happened again.
vj, teik leon, me and victoren was in the living room.vic was sleeping.
suddenly, vj act as a vampire then teik leon took a chair and chasing him around whereas su hian knocking or banging on the frying pan with something and kept on shake his head as if he got hysteria...it was so loud and everyone was screaming and shouting..i was scared..i immediately ran to my room and vic followed me and we faster rush to huey wen...poor vic..he was so scared because he don't know what is happening and he was awake seeing everyone screaming and running around the house.his face seriously turned into so pale..

then they off the light and again..we screamed...after that wei chian took a video before another scary thing happen..seriously i cannot see anything.it was so dark.it makes no difference if i close or oepn my eyes.

vj attacking those who are sleeping.LOL

that night was fun though..su hian really looked as if he 'kena rasuk'.
at last we decided to sleep for a while.all of us slept in one room that night.i mean morning but david slept alone in his room.
we planned to watch sunrise outside our house but we can't hear the alarm. :(
we missed the sunrise and all of us woke up late.
by the time we woke up, we left an hour or more to pack our stuff to go back because our jeep will be coming at 10.30am..
i was so excited that morning but too bad we gonna leave maxwell.

in our room =)

everyone is happie!! =)

wei chian said i'm too small & short to be seen when he took this.SWT

before leaving maxwell..

all in all...
i really enjoy this trip.
it is because they, my friends who make the trip lively..i never thought i will enjoy the trip so much..

i'm missing the trip now.
i hope someday we'll have another trip to somewhere again.
thanks to huey wen, victoren, su hian, vj, david, teik leon and wei chian...
i really had a good time there.
thanks alot!!!

Suffocation

Can anyone please help me?
Please bring me out of the darkness i'm living in now.
Every night i feel as if i lack of air to breathe.i'm gasping for air.
I don't want to go back school.school is definitely a place where i don't want to go.
I wish i could stay at home everyday.
What can i do?what should i do?
Everyday seems to be so scary to me.
Can't believe i'm in tears now.
It has been quite long since this happened because of the....sigh..
No one seems to understand me.
I can't find anyone who can really share my joy, sorrow, problems with me.
Hear that.NO ONE!
I can't find a solution.
I don't have the bravery in me.
I'm disappointed of myself.sick of myself.hate myself.
Please leave me alone.......

lost my soul

i'm a nocturnal.
i can't sleep.now is already 3.15 a.m..
many things are running through my head.
i know i mustn't think so much.
i do many quiz, test, read horoscopes, chinese zodiac, etc etc,....
all also say i think too much and that i need to relax.
sometimes i don't believe all these things but hey that is so true.
even if it is not my problem i'll still think about it.i'm stupid i know.

i don't understand why is it so hard to forget things that we wanted to forget badly.
why there are so many circumstances that we have to go through and why do we need to face some things that we don't want to face?
i know life is challenging.
it is not called as life anymore if we live in a world without any challenges.
but wouldn't it be too much if we can't walk out of the problems and it haunts us forever?
yeah.we need to have courage and strength to face the truth but what if we do not have that courage?
just jump from a building and say bye bye to the world?
some people would think of commit suicide to solve their problems or drink a beer to make themselves drunk or have a night out with friends or keep themselves busy...
yeah.i've tried all this.except for commit suicide of cause.
but it doesn't work.
i know avoiding problems won't do me any goods.
in fact it gives me more headaches.
but i can't help it.
argh!!!
very emo now!
i need some shoulders.ice-creams.sweets.chocolates..need love now!

damn damn damn!

my happy day just destroyed....vanished....
why is it has to be like this???
can't u let me be happy for my last week of holidays???!
argh!!!!!!!
i totally don't have mood right now!!!

lalalalalalala~~

i'm feeling happy!!! :)

i miss maxwell hill.

i miss victoren the little cutie who likes to be in the kitchen to help out.

i miss vj the vampire who is so pro in poker.

i miss su hian the afro guy who likes to do those crazy stuff.

i miss teik leon the mr.strong who is pregnant???

i miss david the mr.funny who makes me laugh with every little things he says.

i miss wei chian the mr.laughter who laughs with his very own style.

......and of cause i miss huey wen the miss 'accountant' who is super blur with mathematics and countings.

hahahahahaha.

i'll blog about it later.

:)

i can't open my eyes.teehee =)