Monday, December 31, 2007
everyone is busy planning where to countdown, where to eat...
but me?stay at home facing the computer?so miserable right?
i'm sad and disappointed today.i'm very tired..seriously very tired..tired of every single thing..
i purposely went to gym today.i wanna keep myself busy but end up when i'm on the way back he called me and said he is not coming back to celebrate with me..again..heartbroken..i already assumed that he is not coming back and i'll celebrate myself but again he reminds me that he is not coming back..i'm driving..my leg suddenly feel so weak..can't even press the brake..my tears nonstop dropping.i cannot go back home with my crying face.i went to lake garden and sepakat..i need to calm myself down..suddenly it makes me think of many things..my boyfriend, friends and even family..i really don't know why am i on this earth..it is so meaningless..real meaningless...
i really wanna celebrate new year eve with him..actually i don't mind if he cannot celebrate with me..but he is celebrating with the friends.the coursemates.most of them are girls.why is mass communication have so darn many girls?the government should enrol more guys what..so many girls for what!!i admit i'm jealous and scared that i'll lose him.i'm so selfish right?sigh.
i really wanna drunk myself tonight..i bought 1 heineken from tesco..and they are a few cans of beer in my fridge..i'll try it tonight..2008..please..let me have a nice year...i beg u..i'm enough of all these sickening things..
i'm sad and two more days will be a new year.2008!i really hope i won't bring my sadness to next year.i hope i'll enjoy next year and won't be sad.i'm realy tired.tired and sick of every single thing.i wish i could travel all around the world and no need to think anything..how nice!!
i wanna find back myself.i'm not the chiew bee that i used to be..and three more days..i have to go back to school..i should have change school last time or go to college.sigh.staying in that school makes me sad and miserable~~
tomorrow is new year eve.i really hope i can celebrate it with cj..but i don't think can.this semester he'll be very busy.i wonder how am i gonna go through those days without him by my side..i just wanna spend as much time as i could with him.he meant a lot to me..i can't describe those feelings that i have for him..indescribable..
i don't want to lose him as he is precious to me.my little precious..always..
Saturday, December 22, 2007
Thursday, December 20, 2007
why?????i really fed up already...i hate LDL!!!long-distance love..it is so suffering..i hate it!!
i'm not like you..not like anyone else..who can be patient and can be so strong and tough.i'm not..
When i need you, you're not here with me.i got to hug the bear that u gave me or my pillow and yet i have a boyfriend.why??why can't i get to hug you??i know i'm childish.but i scared history will repeat again do you know?i'm really scared.i don't wanna think so much, but i can't make it.
alright.i not really got think about it already.but it seems like i don't know what u're doing and this makes me feel i'm like very faraway from you.i hate this feeling.we got sms each other everyday and sometimes talk on the phone and everyday u got tell me what you doing..but still there is something which is missing do you know?i can't be there for you when you're sad or tired or happy..i'm not the one..we still have such a long journey to go.i don't know how long can i stand or how long you can stand.faith faith faith..do you still have faith in it?i really hope we could make it..i hope u meant it when u said u miss me alot..i really do dr.bahagia..
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
i'm totally lost.i don't know what am i thinking.i know.i'm not happy.but why?
this afternoon i drove all the way to tesco.i felt so weird and crazy.don't know what is happening to me.i went there alone.bought all the food.i never do this before.walking there alone.buy this and that.i'm wasting my money buying all those useless stuff and food.fattening!!what happen to me?i'm tired of everything.i want myself to be free.if i have a chance, i would pack my bag and go for a vacation and be away from home and friends and travel alone enjoying myself and not thinking anything!!where is the happy chiew bee?where are u??i don't know where am i belong to..i don't know why am i here..and i miss him..i really wanna be free from everything..
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
Sometimes those who already involved in a relationship prefer to be single..well what makes them to have this kind of thought?Maybe the word love is too complicated for them and they don't understand it..or maybe too tired of arguments?Or they just don't know the right way to love their partners?After much strugglings in ones relationship, i'm sure one of them would be sick of it.it depends how long they could stand it unless they really love each other and that they willing to take this as a challenge along their journey..i'm confused sometimes what love really mean to me..i admit that i'm jealous of other couples when i see how lovely and close they are..girls have strong jealousy..
Everything goes smoothly and everyday says 'I love u' to each other when a couple first started their relationship.all the sweet words and promises..and after a few months or years things gonna change.start to yell at each other.complain and nag here and there.well well this is normal but not too much ok..all this happen because guys and girls have totally a different ways of thinking and their perceptions toward some things are different as well.a small matter means nothing to a guy, but for a girl is like wow..we can't totally put a blame on guys because girls sometimes are way too sensitive and have strong jealousy.maybe i'm like that sometimes.^^ Girls just wanna feel secure with their position and to know what guys are actually thinking..guys used to neglect some minor things which will lead to misunderstandings.the most important thing is they must believe in each other and have faith in their relationship.though u're willing to give green light to your partner to do everything that he likes[freedom], guys..no matter what..everything has its limit.girl needs a trustworthy guy..
I'm jealous of those old lovely couples..their bond are so strong and still so close to each other..still hold hands and kiss each other.how happy they are..i can feel their happiness.kebahagiaan.they found the right one for each other.they belong to each other.. half of her heart+half of his heart = LOVE.how perfect!! =)
Monday, December 10, 2007
Sunday, December 9, 2007
me & sushan
We talked there for quite long.we didn't realised that we'll talk so much there.it is definitely a place where friends can share their feelings and thoughts.Also, it is a perfect place for couple to..urm..you know..I'm proud that i'm from taiping actually though we don't have a cinema or a REAL shopping mall here.at least we have lake garden, zoo, maxwell hill, etc..Taiping means peace in chinese. [ tai pin ] Judy's KL friends thought taiping is a town where all the old people live and around the town has lots of cow.haha.come on.taiping is so famous and traffic congestions won't happen here.how nice!!
nice view of the lake garden
can you see the swan?boat riding in lake garden.nice!
we're on the boat =)
At last, we decided to sit the little swan.hehe.it has been so long since i play it..not to say very long.maybe 4 or 5 months ago..last time the boat is not so nice.this is newer and nicer!goshh..i'm in love with lake garden!!!i can just sit there for a few hours doing nothing and stare at the sky and the surroundings..at night, i love to go to the playground.hehe.though it is dangerous [there is where i lost my hp :D]. i'll play the swing, sit on top of the slide and eat and talk there.how i wish i am there with my love ones.but i know he won't bring me there.nevermind.for the sake of our safety. =)
haha.i actually like this picture.because of the green grass :p
Can you see the word happiness written all over our face when we're in lake garden?It will just make you smile when you're there..don't need to spend money to buy that kind of atmosphere..save money!!!Love u lake garden!!!i'll come to you when i'm sad! :p
Wednesday, November 28, 2007
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
anyway..there are still some good students who are really serious and concentrate in tuition.this kind of students almost pupus already.as what i see now la.hehe.well..this is normal.maybe as what redzawan has always says, we do not know the right technique to study and concentrate.i believe it.sometimes what he says is quite true and logic though he craps all the time..i salute those who study all the time.wonder how can they do that..don't they feel sleepy or bored or LAZY?i'm turning into one lazy bee.. :(
me.cyk.busy capture photos..^^ this is called lazy people.
okok..back to my saturday 'activities'..after tuition i went to gym with sow ann.i need some workout on my elephant leg.my friends called me 'kaki gajah' and has teasing me since a few months ago.it makes me look shorter!!i see back my last time photos..my god..my leg.thin and looks so long..it looks good man!!unlike now.i do not dare to wear shorts and you know what.i cannot wear most of my jeans and shorts already.freaks me out!!i know i'm obsessed with myself.but imagine..all the jeans and shorts that cannot fit you already.saddening.that is why you can see me complaining all the time.i cannot stop myself from eating especially fast food and tidbits.you'll feel very bad when your sister who already had two lil' children and yet she is much thinner than you and her thigh is much smaller than yours and that is what i'm feeling now.i'm not jealous of her but feel bad.my body shape is like one aunty's body now.maybe u'll say i'm not fat.but for ME i am fat.this is exactly how i feel.owh...i sound so depress..ok.don't talk about this.anyway i've captured some photos in the gym but it is blur.don't dare to take actually.you know la..many anuties there.find one day i'll take photos with my gym instructor.he is damn muscular but too bad he is kinda short.haha.
2 yellow aunties.can u spot sow ann's butt?with the dark blue shorts.haha
miss ng..i think her thigh is smaller than mine ;(
...and this is me..my sweaty face..
When it comes to night timei i'm bored to hell.luckily chun kit asked me to go out yumcha with his wifey along.we went to prima.shu ying ordered sushi and i planned not to eat.but temptation kills me.at last i decided to order laksa. :( after that we go round lake garden.went to pondan village.haha.she was so excited and her eyes non-stop searching and eyeing on ah kua.i wonder why they wanna be pondan.it is damn nice to become a guy.why huh??weird weird.they rather to have fake breast and 'do it' with a guy..ewwwww...i still remembered they was once when my friend, jacker went down and asked them what is the price for their service.haha.one of them even touched his private part but he still remained calm.lol.perhaps he feel nice.lol.anyway now is time for me to sleep now.tomorrow i'm gonna have another boring day to go through and make myself tired again..thanks for those who have cheered me up and make my day a nice one!i can't survive alone!!