22

22 more days to my stpm....
phew...i really don't know how to face it....
really stress thinking about this.every single minute and hour, the word STPM come across my mind.
even after i wake up from a short nap, the first thing that i worried and think of is STPM.
however, i don't seem to take any wise action to force myself to study.
i'm guilty.real guilty.please stop me from doing anything unnecessary now.
may god bless me!

THANKS

F.U.C.K YOU!
I MEANT IT.
U'RE MAKING ME UPSIDE DOWN!
I'VE NEVER BEEN THAT DETERMINED BEFORE.
FUCK!

Ssendas

right now....
i'm..
-sad
-moody
-ugly
-fat
-pessimistic
-lazy
-lack of determination
-lack of confidence
-lack of motivations
-strengthless
-tired
-feel like crying
-feel like sleeping the whole night until tomorrow afternoon
-feel like giving up
-feel like shouting
-don't want to study
-need hugs
-need some magic powerful words
-need love
-need him
-need help
-want him
-miss him
-don't want to sit for stpm
-regret

That's Life

i can't find my way back home..
i can't seem to find the door..
was it wrong for me to say i'm sorry?
time and time it happens together..
because it is hurt inside but there's nothing i can do to make things just like they were before..
that's life, right?

Secondhand Serenade

Recently i'm in love with a singer.
I discovered him a few weeks ago before my trial starts.
His actual name is John Vesely but he adopts the name Secondhand Serenade.
At first when i browse through the top 40 list of songs from hitz.fm, then i saw this name with the song Fall For You.
I was like wow..the name sounds special..
I decided to download that song and listen to it.damn!
I love it.i download all his songs.i mean all.i like all of them.i like the song lyrics too.
Among his songs that i like are Take Me With You, Stranger, Why, Maybe, Broken, Awake, It's Not Over and of cause not forgetting Fall For You. =)
I wanted to buy his album but i almost broke.spend a lot lately.sigh.
Anyway try to listen to his songs, i'm sure u'll like it.

Secondhand Serenade

a moment of truth

even if u smile or laugh the whole day, it doens't mean u are happy.
does anyone agree with me?
two of my friends tell me the same thing today.yeah.i'm one of them too.not all the time but sometimes. =)
no one can stop u from smiling but u yourself are the one who stop yourself from smiling.
u can pretend to be happy when u're around with friends but your real feeling is shown when u're alone in your room or when u're about to sleep.all sorts of thing will pop in your mind.
some of u might even cry.some of u wanna cry but couldn't cry.some of u might even feel like shouting.

i think i am happy but in fact i am not that happy.
there is something missing in my life.it changed my life.i don't know if i'm on the right track.
can i return to my normal track of life?
i'm escaping from the truth.i'm hiding from the fact.
this is not what i want.
i miss it.looking back at all the pictures.reeled back to the past.feel there is something stabbing into my heart.how could i?

i lose myself in all these fights.i lose my sense of wrong and right.i cry and cry.
i'm shaking from the pain that's in my head.i just want to crawl into my bed and throw away the life that i led.
but it's over.why is it over?we had the chance to make it but now it's over.i can't be over...
i wish that i could take it back...
i'm falling apart..
we could be forever if i could turn back time and correct my mistake..

Lantern Festival

Every year i am very keen to go out on lantern festival day where all the people ( i mean in taiping) would go to Lake Gardens to light up the place with candles and lanterns and even fireworks.
All the children and youngsters especially would go there to play lanterns and candles or merely just to enjoy the atmosphere and now even got youngsters doing breakdance there.someone claimed that they are pai kia (bad boys).HAHA.



This year i get to go there with my most beloved darling.
I should be studying at home but i don't want to miss this good chance u know?i want to treasure every moment with him.don't wanna miss any chance if i can. =)
And yeah..i even went there fot twice.hehe.
It was because i did not get to play candles the first time i go there.hehe.
The both of us just walking around enjoying seeing the lanterns all.lake garden was packed with people!A lot of hot lala chicks there and quite a lot of leng chai also.hehe.

cj & me

Anyway on the 2nd night, we managed to play candles.hehe.i know it sounds childish but i don't mind because i'm doing things that would make me happy and that he is willing to play with me.hehe.i gotta admit sometimes he is so cute with the way he talks or act until i wanna pinch him on the face! =D

nice right? =)

our creation..LOVE LOVE LOVE =p

.my love is glowing.

at last i can be seen!!

i feel so young.hehe

take 1

take 2.aaarrr!!orang gila!!

it represents cj & chiew bee *winks*

young girl & old man.HAHA

smile =)

lots of manusia right?

I really enjoyed my lantern festival celebration this year though i have a little bit of uneasy feeling and guilt in me because i didn't study for my macroeconomy exam but it is worth it!No regrets at all!
Simply because i spend my time with him. =)
No matter what happen in the future, the memories of the both of us will always be cherised in my heart and that i would think of it from time to time.
I hope u'll do the same too! =)

the end of my PERCUBAAN!

yippie hurray!!
at last my exam is over~~
actually it is not over yet, i have another bm paper but just forget it.i don't care!
i think i've done badly in my exam this time especially my mathematics paper 1.
i don't know how to do at all and i don't even bother to think of the solutions.
i just give up when i say this in my heart.. 'aiya, so hard.sure fail d la.don't know how to do also.no need try d la.'
i'm not sad about it.i wish that i could take it back.but it's over..
there is nothing much i could do but to try and never give up until my stpm is over, right?
i don't think i have any option. ~_*

anyway i realised something.
when u're over-stressed or have nervous breakdown, u can't study anything.
seriously nothing can enter to your mind no matter how much u've read.
when i was studying for my prinsip perniagaan paper 1, i was panic and i don't know wanna read which topic because there are alot of things which i haven't revise yet..
that was the worse night ever!!
anyway i really wanna start doing my revision already.
no more last minute study as i know i'm not even prepared to sit for my trial when i do all the questions.
my mum worried me alot these days.she scared that i would be too stress.i know that she really want me to get a good result.i can feel her love and support!
i hope that i wouldn't let u down mummy!!

tut tut tut!!!

hello people!!
grrrr...i don't know what am i supposed to feel now.
happy, sad, stressed, depressed, scared..what what what??
i think i'm happy but i don't think i'm happy.
i don't think i'm stress but i think i'm stressed!
what have i done in this 1 week holiday?what what what?
i don't know.
i don't know what am i studying right now.what have i studied just now?what?!!!
i'm losing my direction.losing my determination.losing my focus.damn damn damn!
my trial is just 18 days from today!
i have to study for 5 subjects!
last time i have to study 10 subjects and now down to 5.
5 only.no big deal right?argrr!!!
i sleep alot.eat alot.eat eat and eat!
even when i don't feel hungry i'll find for food.
what is wrong with me?
i wanna be away from home.i wanna be away from all the books and notes in my room!

where is the light?

i need some light in my life.
i thought i found it but it has evaporated itself.
i wish i could keep it and have it but sometimes things just don't happen in a way that you want it to be.
life can be ugly.life can be beautiful.
if you can find the light, you'll feel like you're living in a fairyland.
if you can't, then you're living in sadness.

a place to hide myself

can u see the light?

i'm searching for a life that i used to have where all the lights shine on me like a twinkle star and i'm dancing happily in a world of mine.

the light is hiding beyond the trees

there is always a light in the darkness...

it is playing hide and seek with us.

we need time to search for it, to own it..

there is a long way to go before i can reach for it

i hope i wouldn't give up upon searching for the new light to brighten up my life..
i'm tired.
i hope i won't just stop here.

L.I.F.E

i love my mathematics 2 and macroeconomy's teacher the most.
they may not be the best teacher but they definitely score a place in my heart as a teacher..
both of them try their best to teach us whatever that they could to help us score in stpm exam.
not only that..sometimes they'll talk about their life and experiences when they were young and teach us about the concept of life..
that is why i love them.
i love this kind of teacher.they'll tell us whats good and whats bad for us.
they not just share their knowledge but experiences in life too..

yesterday..my macroeconomic teacher, Pn.Boh said something which is very logic and it is so true. it is something like this, "why would u wanna angry with someone if he/she does not know that u're angry with him/her?u're making yourself suffering without them knowing while they are enjoying themselves."
she even told us last time how she used to be so stupid and silly when she angry with her bf but her bf doesn't know that she is angry with him and she make herself so suffer and got to keep all the anger in all her heart.that is very true!
thus, don't angry with someone who doesn't know u're angry with them.not worth it!!!
especially your bf!!

anyway i actually wanted to blog about the two so-called poems which i borrowed from Pn.Boh.
it is about a parents prayer and a child's plea.
suddenly, she read out loud about the parents prayer.then she asked me to read the second one to play a role of a child. =)
both the poems are very meaningful.i like it!!HERE IT IS~~
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A PARENTS PRAYER

I gave you life,
But I can't live it for you.

I can teach you things,
But I can't make you learn.
I can give you direction,
But I can't always be there to lead you.

I can allow you freedom,
But I can't account for it.
I can teach you from right to wrong,
But I can't always decide for you.

I can buy you beautiful clothes,
But I can't make you lovely inside.
I can offer you advice,
But I can't accept it for you.

I can teach you to share,
But I can't make you unselfish.
I can teach you to respect,
But I can't force you to show honor.

I can advise you about drinking,
But I can't say no for you.
I can warn you about drugs,
But I can't prevent you from using them.

I can help you to set goals,
But I can't achieve them for you.
I can tell you about kindness,
But I can't force you to be gracious.

I can advise you about your friends,
But I can't choose them for you.
I can warn you about sin,
But I can't make your morals.

I can love you as a child,
But I can't place you with the Divine.
I can take you to the house of worship,
But I can't make you believe.

I can tell you how to live,
But I can't give you eternal life.

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A CHILD'S PLEA

Give me all that I need but not all that I ask for.
That would be spoiling me.

Be firm with me.It makes me feel more secure.

Help me to form good habits.
I have to rely on you to detect them in the early stages.

Help me attain my full potential.

Correct me when I make mistakes but not in front of people, if you can help it.

Help me recognize and admit my mistakes without making me feel too guilty.

Teach me to face the consequences of my actions.
I sometimes need to learn the painful way.

Be patient with my complaints.
They only mean I need your love and attention.

Remind me of the things that I have to do but please don't nag.

Listen to me, though what I say may seem trivial to you, an adult.

Try to be consistent.
It develops my faith and trust in you.

My fears are very real to me.
I need your understanding and reassurance.

Please be sensitive to my changing needs in my process of growing up.

Recognize my need to explore and to learn.
It helps me grow.

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the moment i hear it, i like it..
now i'll try my best to be a good daughter..
next time i'll try my best to be a good mother......

one little two little monkeys

have u ever see two little monkeys playing around in a car?
swinging here and there and even do something naughty in the car.ahem.
no doubt, i bet all of u never see before except for me and a few friends of mine. *winks*
do u wanna see the two monkeys?here are the pictures...

1st of all..
1 little brown monkey desperately wanted to come in my car.my car has a nice smell i think. :p
guess what.i let it in and this little monkey bring along his girlfriend.
don't believe?here is the proof...
ta da.....

kinda cute right?LOL

then this little monkey sit quietly in my car watching me driving and see my friends doing some nonsense stuff while the girlfriend which is a white monkey resting behind.

monkey says, "aww..chiew bee is so cute when she is driving".LOL

suddenly...
the two monkeys do something very naughty in my car.
i can't keep my eyes off them..
1 up and 1 down.opss..

the girlfriend is doing a bl*wj*b for him!!!

can u see that?!!

besides..
they are playing around in my car and swing here and there as if my car is their home or playground.some people are looking into my car when they are doing this.......

they caught the attention of many people

finally...
it is time to say goodbye to this two little monkeys.
this two little monkeys are so in love with each other.
even animals can fall in love...
life is all about love. *winks*

they are so lovely!! =)

ps : i know this is a very lame post.haha.anyway thanks to belly yeap and gelly hor for their contributions in making fun of this two little monkeys. LOL

as what i've mentioned in my previous blog, i was busy over the past few weeks..
yeah.i'm really am.
i was busy 'enjoying' my life with some crazy friends.^^
went out with them almost everyday.i'm not trying to be exaggerate here but thats true.
that leads to my fatness.i've gained weight man.see my body in front of the mirror makes me wanna faint.not because i've 36-24-36 body..it is because i have alot of fats!!eww...
anyway here are some random things that i did last few weeks.....

1. Baked cake

unbelievable?believe it!
this is the first time i baked cake.blueberry cake.thanks to yingling for teaching me how to bake this cake.hehe.i plan to bake it for my family and cj.i've promised him to bake him one since long ago and i'm trying to fulfil my promise.anyway but my first time is not given to him.but to my family and huey wen.hehe.i planned to bake two cakes.one for family and another one for huey wen on her suprise farewell party.thanks to chun kit for helping me also.seems like he is the one who bake the cake.hehe.but after that i really baked it myself.oh yeah.thanks to belly yeap and ratty lau also but the two of u buat kacau saja. ;p
anyway here is some of the process of baking blueberry cake....

stirring the flour and eggs

the mixture and melted butter

ready to put in the oven!

belly yeap playing with the 'kek buangan'

?????

blueberry jam

experiment with the cream

peace^^

thanks to belly yeap and ratty lau for making me a clown

the 1st cake

the 2nd cake(huey wen's)

2. Suprise party

for huey wen...
some of us had planned a suprise farewell party for her and the ajks incharge are gelly hor, belly yeap, ratty lau, dolly ong, suhian & vic.not forgetting me.hehe.oh yeah.1 funny thing is that when we held a discussion in prima about all these, she was actually at prima too without us realising it until belly saw her walking pass us.luckily she didn't see us.anyway we've made a pact with her mum and she seems to be very happy and more excited than us.we do bbq on that night and gelly has baked 4 pizzas and etc..lots of food and again.it leads to my fatness.nevermind.we live to eat.anyway our planing is a good one and we really did suprised her. =)

yum yum

potato human.ratty's creation

nice one ^^

posing =_=''

girl of the night

cheers~~!!

=)

gay-ing

the balloons and the half me?

me & her

taken after that party.1.40am

3. Karaoke

yeah.i love singing.
i went there for twice before she leaves.
i'm happy that i get to go there.just sing out loud like nobody cares.
most of the time only me and some of them sing.aish..shouldn't be shy even if your voice is not nice.mine is not nice too.but who cares when u sing?no one is going to laugh at u because everyone else is singing and u're all surrounded by your own friends.nothing to be ashamed of.hehe.it is a waste of money if u just sit there seeing other people singing.hehe.here are some of the pictures taken in ktv..

what is belly yeap trying to do?

belly yeap.gelly hor.ratty lau

S.H.E & me

thorn among the roses.;p

retarded girl & me

belly yeap.jelly fong.gelly hor

crazy people!!but i love it.=)

vic.hueywen.me

group pic. =)

4. Penang trip

yeah..i went to penang with a bunch of crazy people..they are fun to be with.make your sadness disappear.at least u get to be happy for a moment when u hang out with people who can cheer u up.=)
anyway talk back about my penang trip, suhian became our driver and fit us with his avanza. =)
we went there early in the morning and went to queensbay and gurney.anyway i ate alot that day.have such a big appetite!hehe.we went to manhanttan fish market for our lunch.phew...damn nice.i shared the food with hueywen and vic.i think we ordered too much.almost can't finish it.because of the fries la.alot man.total of the bill is around rm190 if i'm not mistaken.quite worth it.because the food is nice especially the grilled fish.hehe.then we moved on to gurney drive.hmm how can u don't try the laksa if u're at gurney drive?therefore i ordered a bowl of laksa and 1 plate of char koay teow and shared it with hueywen.hehe.
anyway i watched 2 movies on that day.the incredible hulk in gurney and kung fu panda in queensbay(midnight movie). i really enjoyed the trip and i was and am happy. =)

yummy!!my saliva is coming out now...grrr

5. Playground

i love playground.especially during night time.sit on the slide staring at the moon while eating burger.i love that feeling.indescribable.it just gives me one kind of satisfaction.i love the slide and swing.awww..i wanna go there again!!anyone wanna go there?do tell me if u want.hehe.there was once where a few of us went there after cybercross concert (damn bored ok!). tapao-ed MCD to go there eat. damn.i miss it! how i wish i'm at there now!it is nice wasting a little bit of your time there.i miss spend some time there. =)

ain't it looks nice? =)

vj & vic trying to pull me down the slide.grr

3 kanak-kanak bahagia

can u spot me?

vic & me

apart from that..i always go out for yumcha and hang out with some friends.
i miss them.i miss the moment.i miss all the laughters.
all in all, i was really happy for the past few weeks.
i don't feel disturbed by anything and time flies real fast when i'm happy.
just to let u all know..when i see back all the pictures and reflashed back to the moment when we were together, i'll automatically put a smile on my face or even starts to laugh. =)
thanks for everything.i hope we can hang out as often as we could next time.
i'm waiting for it....