bad day

today...31st of december 2007....new year eve...

everyone is busy planning where to countdown, where to eat...

but me?stay at home facing the computer?so miserable right?

i'm sad and disappointed today.i'm very tired..seriously very tired..tired of every single thing..

i purposely went to gym today.i wanna keep myself busy but end up when i'm on the way back he called me and said he is not coming back to celebrate with me..again..heartbroken..i already assumed that he is not coming back and i'll celebrate myself but again he reminds me that he is not coming back..i'm driving..my leg suddenly feel so weak..can't even press the brake..my tears nonstop dropping.i cannot go back home with my crying face.i went to lake garden and sepakat..i need to calm myself down..suddenly it makes me think of many things..my boyfriend, friends and even family..i really don't know why am i on this earth..it is so meaningless..real meaningless...

i really wanna celebrate new year eve with him..actually i don't mind if he cannot celebrate with me..but he is celebrating with the friends.the coursemates.most of them are girls.why is mass communication have so darn many girls?the government should enrol more guys what..so many girls for what!!i admit i'm jealous and scared that i'll lose him.i'm so selfish right?sigh.

i really wanna drunk myself tonight..i bought 1 heineken from tesco..and they are a few cans of beer in my fridge..i'll try it tonight..2008..please..let me have a nice year...i beg u..i'm enough of all these sickening things..