bad day

today...31st of december 2007....new year eve...

everyone is busy planning where to countdown, where to eat...

but me?stay at home facing the computer?so miserable right?

i'm sad and disappointed today.i'm very tired..seriously very tired..tired of every single thing..

i purposely went to gym today.i wanna keep myself busy but end up when i'm on the way back he called me and said he is not coming back to celebrate with me..again..heartbroken..i already assumed that he is not coming back and i'll celebrate myself but again he reminds me that he is not coming back..i'm driving..my leg suddenly feel so weak..can't even press the brake..my tears nonstop dropping.i cannot go back home with my crying face.i went to lake garden and sepakat..i need to calm myself down..suddenly it makes me think of many things..my boyfriend, friends and even family..i really don't know why am i on this earth..it is so meaningless..real meaningless...

i really wanna celebrate new year eve with him..actually i don't mind if he cannot celebrate with me..but he is celebrating with the friends.the coursemates.most of them are girls.why is mass communication have so darn many girls?the government should enrol more guys what..so many girls for what!!i admit i'm jealous and scared that i'll lose him.i'm so selfish right?sigh.

i really wanna drunk myself tonight..i bought 1 heineken from tesco..and they are a few cans of beer in my fridge..i'll try it tonight..2008..please..let me have a nice year...i beg u..i'm enough of all these sickening things..

.....

friends..last time i used to think that friends are important to me.yes.until now i still think that friends are important.especially your best friend..but it is not easy to find a true friend who will be there for u and understand u..walk the way u walk and talk the things u talk..without them u'll be so lonely.
i'm sad and two more days will be a new year.2008!i really hope i won't bring my sadness to next year.i hope i'll enjoy next year and won't be sad.i'm realy tired.tired and sick of every single thing.i wish i could travel all around the world and no need to think anything..how nice!!
i wanna find back myself.i'm not the chiew bee that i used to be..and three more days..i have to go back to school..i should have change school last time or go to college.sigh.staying in that school makes me sad and miserable~~
tomorrow is new year eve.i really hope i can celebrate it with cj..but i don't think can.this semester he'll be very busy.i wonder how am i gonna go through those days without him by my side..i just wanna spend as much time as i could with him.he meant a lot to me..i can't describe those feelings that i have for him..indescribable..
i don't want to lose him as he is precious to me.my little precious..always..

=)

at least we've spend some time together dr.bahagia...and once again u gave me a lil' confidence..
all i want for christmas is u..=)

why the word sadness keep appearing in my mind no matter where i am or what am i doing???
why?????i really fed up already...i hate LDL!!!long-distance love..it is so suffering..i hate it!!
i'm not like you..not like anyone else..who can be patient and can be so strong and tough.i'm not..
When i need you, you're not here with me.i got to hug the bear that u gave me or my pillow and yet i have a boyfriend.why??why can't i get to hug you??i know i'm childish.but i scared history will repeat again do you know?i'm really scared.i don't wanna think so much, but i can't make it.
alright.i not really got think about it already.but it seems like i don't know what u're doing and this makes me feel i'm like very faraway from you.i hate this feeling.we got sms each other everyday and sometimes talk on the phone and everyday u got tell me what you doing..but still there is something which is missing do you know?i can't be there for you when you're sad or tired or happy..i'm not the one..we still have such a long journey to go.i don't know how long can i stand or how long you can stand.faith faith faith..do you still have faith in it?i really hope we could make it..i hope u meant it when u said u miss me alot..i really do dr.bahagia..

me = emotionless

i'm speechless now.i don't know what i'm feeling right now..sad,happy or moody?
i'm totally lost.i don't know what am i thinking.i know.i'm not happy.but why?
this afternoon i drove all the way to tesco.i felt so weird and crazy.don't know what is happening to me.i went there alone.bought all the food.i never do this before.walking there alone.buy this and that.i'm wasting my money buying all those useless stuff and food.fattening!!what happen to me?i'm tired of everything.i want myself to be free.if i have a chance, i would pack my bag and go for a vacation and be away from home and friends and travel alone enjoying myself and not thinking anything!!where is the happy chiew bee?where are u??i don't know where am i belong to..i don't know why am i here..and i miss him..i really wanna be free from everything..

i miss you

i'm missing you right now..i'm missing your everything..i so wanna hug u tightly and feel your warmness.i thought we can spend more time together this week.i'm sad.every night before i sleep i would see our pictures and wish u're here with me.how long more i could stand this?sigh.i need you.u teach me how to be true to myself.u organise my disorganised life..u're the first person who said i'm ego and tats how i realised tat i'm an ego person..u managed 2 manipulate my feelings by making me sad, angry, happy, excited, jealous,etc..u give me useful advices but sometimes i don't know how 2 appreciate it.all the moments that we've shared make me smile when i think about it..i'll be really down when i miss u.but life goes on..i still have 2 make myself happy and act as if i'm not sad.i miss u dr.bahagia..

how to touch a girl..

JOJO LYRICS

How To Touch A Girl

Mmm

I think I could like you

I already do

Feelings can grow bu

tThey can go away too

You're takin my hand

Lookin into my eyes

Don't be in a rush to

Get me tonight

Feel somethin happenin

Could this be a spark?

To satisfy me baby

Gotta satisfy my heart

Do you know how to touch a girl?

If you want me so much

First I have to know

Are you thoughtful and kind?

Do you care what's on my mind?

Or am I just for show?

You'll go far in this world

If you know how to touch a girl

Do you know how to touch, know how to touch a girl?

Do you know how to touch, know how to touch a girl?

I think I could like you

But I keep holding back

Cause I can't seem to tell

If you're fiction or fact

Show me you can laugh

Show me you can cry

Show me who you really are

Deep down inside

Do you feel somethin happenin?

Could this be for real?

I don't know right now but tonight we'll reveal

Do you know how to touch a girl?

If you want me so much

First I have to know

Are you thoughtful and kind?

Do you care what's on my mind?

Or am I just for show?

You'll go far in this world

If you know how to touch a girl

Bring me some flowers

Conversation for hours

To see if we really connect

And baby if we do

Ooh

I'll be givin all my love to you

Ohh

Do you know how to touch a girl?

If you want me so much

First I have to know

Are you thoughtful and kind?

Do you care what's on my mind?

Or am I just for show?

You'll go far in this world

If you know how to touch a girl

Do you know how to touch, know how to touch a girl? (Yeah, yeah)Do you know how to touch, know how to touch a girl?

You'll go far in this world

If you know how to touch a girl

Ps : a few tips for guys...~~~

:p

L.O.V.E is in the air

Can anyone tell me what is the definition of LOVE?What i mean here is the love between a couple.a boy and a girl.perhaps a boy and a boy or a girl and a girl.If u love someone, does it mean u must be with him/her 24/7?Love someone means u'll be with him/her forever?Maybe the answer is a yes during our great grandpa's time.but for now i don't think so.all the girls want their boyfriends to give them freedom and vice versa.the word forever only exist in fairytale nowadays.promises won't last.maybe u won't agree with me..=)

shape of a heart..<3

Sometimes those who already involved in a relationship prefer to be single..well what makes them to have this kind of thought?Maybe the word love is too complicated for them and they don't understand it..or maybe too tired of arguments?Or they just don't know the right way to love their partners?After much strugglings in ones relationship, i'm sure one of them would be sick of it.it depends how long they could stand it unless they really love each other and that they willing to take this as a challenge along their journey..i'm confused sometimes what love really mean to me..i admit that i'm jealous of other couples when i see how lovely and close they are..girls have strong jealousy..

when everything goes wrong..

Everything goes smoothly and everyday says 'I love u' to each other when a couple first started their relationship.all the sweet words and promises..and after a few months or years things gonna change.start to yell at each other.complain and nag here and there.well well this is normal but not too much ok..all this happen because guys and girls have totally a different ways of thinking and their perceptions toward some things are different as well.a small matter means nothing to a guy, but for a girl is like wow..we can't totally put a blame on guys because girls sometimes are way too sensitive and have strong jealousy.maybe i'm like that sometimes.^^ Girls just wanna feel secure with their position and to know what guys are actually thinking..guys used to neglect some minor things which will lead to misunderstandings.the most important thing is they must believe in each other and have faith in their relationship.though u're willing to give green light to your partner to do everything that he likes[freedom], guys..no matter what..everything has its limit.girl needs a trustworthy guy..

I'm jealous of those old lovely couples..their bond are so strong and still so close to each other..still hold hands and kiss each other.how happy they are..i can feel their happiness.kebahagiaan.they found the right one for each other.they belong to each other.. half of her heart+half of his heart = LOVE.how perfect!! =)

sick sick sick!!!

argh!!!i hate to be sicked!!i'm sick now!!i hate this kind of feeling.makes me dizzy and headache and i feel like vomiting!!i hate to vomit~~!!why suddenly i can fall sick?maybe i not enough sleep this few days or i got it from him.argh!!!every night can't sleep well.after switch off the light, then my eyes are wide open..am i having insomnia?very suffering.then end up wake up at 12 or 1 pm.i hate this!!it makes me so abnormal!!i don't wanna be a nocturnal!i wanna have a nice sleep!!!anyone can help me???

lake garden

i'm in love with lake garden..a place where you can find serenity and the view is picturesque enough.perfect for a morning or evening walk and even a perfect place for a boy to confess his love to his girl.haha.don't know why but i just love to go there.sitting beside the lake makes me feel happy and..the feeling is just indescribable..especially when you lie down on the grass.[tried it before but only for a while :p] you'll have a peace of mind when you look up into the blue cloudy sky and i wish i'm flying up there.if you haven't try it before too bad then..go try it!!!anyway a few weeks ago me and sushan went to lake garden because our pa tuition teacher is teaching the same thing that we've learnt.we've got no where else to go and we can only think of lake garden.so i drove all the way to lake garden and we sat on the green-ish grass.hehe.

me & sushan

We talked there for quite long.we didn't realised that we'll talk so much there.it is definitely a place where friends can share their feelings and thoughts.Also, it is a perfect place for couple to..urm..you know..I'm proud that i'm from taiping actually though we don't have a cinema or a REAL shopping mall here.at least we have lake garden, zoo, maxwell hill, etc..Taiping means peace in chinese. [ tai pin ] Judy's KL friends thought taiping is a town where all the old people live and around the town has lots of cow.haha.come on.taiping is so famous and traffic congestions won't happen here.how nice!!

nice view of the lake garden

can you see the swan?boat riding in lake garden.nice!

we're on the boat =)

At last, we decided to sit the little swan.hehe.it has been so long since i play it..not to say very long.maybe 4 or 5 months ago..last time the boat is not so nice.this is newer and nicer!goshh..i'm in love with lake garden!!!i can just sit there for a few hours doing nothing and stare at the sky and the surroundings..at night, i love to go to the playground.hehe.though it is dangerous [there is where i lost my hp :D]. i'll play the swing, sit on top of the slide and eat and talk there.how i wish i am there with my love ones.but i know he won't bring me there.nevermind.for the sake of our safety. =)

playground! =)

haha.i actually like this picture.because of the green grass :p

=)

Can you see the word happiness written all over our face when we're in lake garden?It will just make you smile when you're there..don't need to spend money to buy that kind of atmosphere..save money!!!Love u lake garden!!!i'll come to you when i'm sad! :p

sorry

I'm sorry...i'm saying this to one of my friend..my real true friend.last time we used to play,talk,crazy and have fun together.i miss it.she is the one who knows me inside out.i tend to hurt the one who i love and care the most.i don't know why.maybe i thought they're forever mine and they won't angry me and they should be able to understand that i have no others but them.maybe i never take any action or intiative to convince them that they're important to me because i expect them to know.i'm naive enough to have this kind of thoughts.i know i do. sometimes i don't even realised that my actions will makes you feel unwanted and left out.i really don't mean to that.i've hurted you too much.i've make mistakes over and over again without truly understand myself and patch things up.i'm disappointed of myself for making you disappointed of me.no matter how happy i am now, this thing is still bothering me and make me sad.i really felt sorry.i hope everything will be fine and return back to last time.but i know things will not be the same. i'm happy when you send me a message in friendster last few months ago saying that i'll forever be your besty.i'm really happy.but now..i know it is too late to apologise for all the things that i've done to you.i don't know it'll hurt you so much.i know i'm not worth to be your besty anymore..this is one of the things that i regret the most in my life..i'm ego and naive..i really hope that we could be like last time..i don't want to lose a friend like you for you are the best for me..

holidays~~

holidays...how am i supposed to enjoy this holidays??do u believe if i say i have tuitions during last weekends and it was supposed to be my holidays...sigh..nevermind.at least i can keep myself busy.recently i just LOVE to be busy and make myself tired![i guess some of u might know the reason why ;) ] last saturday went for 'pengajian am' tuition in pj[not petaling jaya but pusat jaksa.haha] Seems like no one has the mood to listen to redzawan and do the questions that he gave..come on..who would?everyone was busy with their own business.i guess he himself also lazy wanna teach us.he is famous with his laziness.

this is what people do when boredom strikes them in tuition

Well..for some,people tuition is a waste of time..they rather study at home and depend on themselves.however, for those who lazy to study at home and think what their teacher teach in school is useless then they should go for it.for lazy student like me.haha.i should go.BUT sometimes tuition is way too boring.it makes u sleepy.your brain is not working especially in the afternoon.end up they will sleep in the class and busy talking away..or else busy pressing and playing with their handphones.this is what teenagers do.i'll feel guilty for not concentrating.at the end of the class i don't know what teacher is teaching and feel is a waste of time going tuition and start blaming myself.haha.

can you see?someone is sleeping..

..busy sms-ing..

anyway..there are still some good students who are really serious and concentrate in tuition.this kind of students almost pupus already.as what i see now la.hehe.well..this is normal.maybe as what redzawan has always says, we do not know the right technique to study and concentrate.i believe it.sometimes what he says is quite true and logic though he craps all the time..i salute those who study all the time.wonder how can they do that..don't they feel sleepy or bored or LAZY?i'm turning into one lazy bee.. :(

see..hardworking people.haha

me.cyk.busy capture photos..^^ this is called lazy people.

okok..back to my saturday 'activities'..after tuition i went to gym with sow ann.i need some workout on my elephant leg.my friends called me 'kaki gajah' and has teasing me since a few months ago.it makes me look shorter!!i see back my last time photos..my god..my leg.thin and looks so long..it looks good man!!unlike now.i do not dare to wear shorts and you know what.i cannot wear most of my jeans and shorts already.freaks me out!!i know i'm obsessed with myself.but imagine..all the jeans and shorts that cannot fit you already.saddening.that is why you can see me complaining all the time.i cannot stop myself from eating especially fast food and tidbits.you'll feel very bad when your sister who already had two lil' children and yet she is much thinner than you and her thigh is much smaller than yours and that is what i'm feeling now.i'm not jealous of her but feel bad.my body shape is like one aunty's body now.maybe u'll say i'm not fat.but for ME i am fat.this is exactly how i feel.owh...i sound so depress..ok.don't talk about this.anyway i've captured some photos in the gym but it is blur.don't dare to take actually.you know la..many anuties there.find one day i'll take photos with my gym instructor.he is damn muscular but too bad he is kinda short.haha.

2 yellow aunties.can u spot sow ann's butt?with the dark blue shorts.haha

miss ng..i think her thigh is smaller than mine ;(

...and this is me..my sweaty face..

When it comes to night timei i'm bored to hell.luckily chun kit asked me to go out yumcha with his wifey along.we went to prima.shu ying ordered sushi and i planned not to eat.but temptation kills me.at last i decided to order laksa. :( after that we go round lake garden.went to pondan village.haha.she was so excited and her eyes non-stop searching and eyeing on ah kua.i wonder why they wanna be pondan.it is damn nice to become a guy.why huh??weird weird.they rather to have fake breast and 'do it' with a guy..ewwwww...i still remembered they was once when my friend, jacker went down and asked them what is the price for their service.haha.one of them even touched his private part but he still remained calm.lol.perhaps he feel nice.lol.anyway now is time for me to sleep now.tomorrow i'm gonna have another boring day to go through and make myself tired again..thanks for those who have cheered me up and make my day a nice one!i can't survive alone!!

i'm here once again =)

heyy..i'm here again with my new blog to voice out my feelings and thoughts.at least i can share something with you guys and open up my heart.with this i do not have to keep some hidden or sad memories inside me which makes me miserable and depressed.well well..before this i have a blog.hehe.but i think i should create a new one.don't ask me why.because i don't even know why.. :p actually i'm not interested to have my own blog due to my laziness.BUT there are a few bloggers [kennysia,nicole,xia xue and even one of my friend,pei pei] who gives me an inspiration to create this blog.thanks.especially to pei pei.she is the one who first introduce me to the world of blogging.and now i'm here. =) a big bow to you chicken pie!!anyway i'll be going maxwell hill tomorrow.when i'm back i'm gonna share my happy happie happieee trip to maxwell. ;)